Tank yer Mom

Tim Kawakami is joining the online ranks of retards to take up the TANK 08 mantel, much more 'wieldy than TANK 09. This stupid idea started amongst the onliners some weeks ago as part of a broad "Everything is OK, Don Nelson is a Genius!" WarriorSpeak campaign launched by team intranetz moles and loyal Dungeons and Dragons retreads of the New Millenium who know more about NBA 2k9 and hip hop than they do about the actual NBA. No shame in either, but they at least need to be honest with themselves about the video games and their ongoing personal identity performances: you're the New Millenium version of D&D freakz. Deal with it.

Anyway, many of the Warriors' New Millenial DDers attend California colleges such as CSU East Bay, SFSU, UC Berkeley, and Stanford. Some write from down south while they bask in smog and fake tits and mostly miss games but catch all the action on SportsCenter and the boxscores. A few more even check in from overseas.

A special note on Warriors fandom abroad:
There are two kinds of Warriors Expats.

1. Working adults with steady careers and family lives who have always liked the Warriors and followed them religiously when closer to them. These folks tend to be smart, even circumspect in their criticism and analysis, and freely admit that they cannot catch anywhere close to every game. Funny, appropriately WarriorsCynical, and often times a little bit old-fashioned, these folks love the Quest for the NBA Big and do not munch Nellie's nutz. Some reside in Florida, which is as close to a foreign country as DDs will ever get.

Hate Cohan.

2. Fucking idiots who only started watching games when other online fans told them to do so or shut the fuck up. These individuals continue to blow Rowell and co. hard and support all front office moves while applying Marco Belinelli lube to their taintal region.

Love Cohan.


Moving on...

The TANK 08 ('wieldy) talk is total bullshit. My brilliant analysis will be brief as I must go off to produce my next brilliant bit of bullshit for the day job.

1. We want this organization to have high draft picks without Mullin doing the selection... why?
2. David Stern is apparently a huge fan of Don Nelson's bullshit.
3. We play Stephen Jackson 48 minutes per. Are we admitting we signed him only to tank for the next 5 years with him on the court losing games? Maggette immediately gets max playing time as he seems to break several bones and pull several body parts in his debut return from a month's hiatus with a hammy. Trade showcase or Best Player Available, max run for Nellie's Wins Record? Likewise, this logic (brilliant as usual) suggests that Wright, Randolph, and Hendrix would win us too many games and hurt draft position.
OK, now it's starting to make sense.
4. Nellie's Wins Record? We need this record, immediately.
5. The Draft Class itself.

You all know the usual analysis sites.
http://www.nbadraft.net/, etc.

Some of you even fancy yourselves quite the Draft Eligible ball "experts." One retarded multi-alias Warriors forum schmuck has been masquerading as another retarded multi-alias Warriors forum schmuck in hopes that his brilliant junk-grabbing for two established first round options will come off as some sort of relevant "discovery." Others see two minutes of video footage of ball tricks, read a Chad Ford article, and follow the EurOlympics preceding the Gold Medal game and then pronounce Ricky Rubio, the latest Ford International Hot Pick Top-3 talent (Yi and Bargnani are but the most recent incarnations of the Ford Fenomenon), the next Great Point Guard. And just about everyone is enamored of Blake Griffin's Carlos Boozer-lite routine in perhaps the worst NBA bigman class of the DDs young, short, insignificant lives.

But in short, this draft class is a bullshit class to bother moving up in. The only solid bets, for THIS team and its Nelson Psychosis especially, are shitwings or littles. And We're not looking like a top-3 bet, so Rubio, potentially the most overrated Euro guard EVER, is not in our cards. Griffin is not in our cards.

All of the crapshoot shitballers that would come after: in the cards.

Three weeks ago, the DDs were on DeSagana Thabeet's stupid fucking jock. Then they actually saw him play a game. Naturally, that event sparked the Greg Monroe Mass Taint Lick. Now I suppose we're all on to Dejuan Blair. Fucking idiots. These guys are all projects at best but the DDs lap it up like so much Nellie Spunk. And they hate Brook Lopez and Kevin Love. Do the math. They also hate Tyler Hansbrough, but I support them in this affection. Tyler will atend Duke Law School and will defend Republicans, exclusively, against corruption and pedophilia charges for the remainder of his stupid Cracker life. Fuck Tyler Hansbrough. People like Tyler Madsen are what make college basketball total bullshit sometimes and utterly unwatchable nine times out of ten.

Continue on with the list of likely first rounders and tell me why I should give two shits about shitwings who would go 17th at the earliest in last year's drat class but are lock top-10s or worse this year. Explain to me how Earl Clark or DaJuan Summers are NOT going to play ineffective power forward for Don Nelson. Let us all in on the secret reasoning for even considering this year's Jonathan Clay "J.J." ReDick Pick, Stephen Curry.

Etc.

This draft class has NBA players in it, make no mistake, but to the fucktards continuing to ascribe some sort of noteworthy value to the shite record we built of our own stupid fucking accord, a record that does not necessarily get fixed by adding Monta Ellis to the toxic Stephen Jackson Show mix at all and that won't change who coaches and signs checks, well to those morons:

Eff you.